We all have had exciting dreams, the kind that we badly wanted. Whatever it was, very often we accomplish “It”, we reached “There”: getting an education, going on a date, getting hired for our first job, earning a living, moving out of our parents’ home, being partnered or married, having a child or creating our lifestyle. We felt fulfilled.
One unsuspecting day, something happens.
An event comes along and shakes our life up. Our job becomes restructured and no longer exists, our partner says they have fallen in love with someone else, our doctor diagnoses us with a chronic illness, our financial debt hits bottom and we have to declare personal bankruptcy. Something has changed in our life that topples our sense of fulfillment. It can be a shock to realize that our dream has died and our mind tries to make sense of our new reality.
Or we start to notice something. Our life, or an aspect of our life, is no longer fulfilling. “It” doesn’t excite us like it once did. Maybe it is boring or doesn’t feel like it’s such a good fit anymore. It no longer offers a challenge or sense of connection. Something has changed inside of us that shifts our sense of fulfillment.
This is the stage of Old Fulfillment. We wish we could go back in time, to go back to how “It” was. Our Saboteur voice(s) natters in our ears, tells us to stay safe, sometimes too safe. Too much caution can prevent us from moving on and opening ourselves up. That Saboteur voice activates our anxieties and worries, suppressing our confidence and courage, so many people choose to stay, if that is possible, out of fear and anxiety of what might lie ahead.
Becoming aware of what we fear about this transition can be a helpful first step. Some common fears are the fear of scarcity or poverty, loneliness or being alone, losing prestige or status, rejection, failure or success.
There is often a sensation of friction within us in Old Fulfillment where our core values rub uncomfortably against each other. For example, familiarity and stability rubbing up against challenge, vitality and growth. Which one(s) will we choose to honour?
It is during this stage that we feel a sense of disappointment, realizing that this is the end of our dream, and this is important for new dreams to be born. It is a normal personal growth process and along with it comes life experience, self-compassion and understanding, and confidence.
There is a natural cycle to the transition process. We can go through several career transitions during our work history, have several relationship transitions within a marriage, or experience various health transitions during our life due to injuries, illness, traumatic events and normal aging. There is a cyclical nature to transitions that happens because we are human beings and we are a part of nature.
We need Old Fulfillment. It reminds us of what is possible, how we have fulfilled our dreams before, that we are creative, adaptable and courageous. Like old growth forests, Old Fulfillment gives us a strong foundation for new energy, new dreams and new learning. Old growth forests have multi-layered heights and experience different stages of growth as they regenerate through natural or man-made disturbances. This regeneration is what makes them invaluable and rich with life. Being rich with life is beautiful.
The next stage in this model of the transitions process is Death, The Unknown and Re-Birth…